A Pretty Good Monday

I feel like I begin every blog post the way all my diary entries started as a child,

It's been way too long since I last wrote!

It has been a crazy, hot September. September is filled with birthdays, we had family staying in our home, school has been crazy, and I haven't seen my husband too much either between our opposite schedules.

Every time I had a free minute, I always felt like there was something I should be doing. I need to clean, I need to bathe my son, I need to cook, I need to visit friends or family, I should be reading my book before it's due, I should, I should, I should. I told myself I shouldn't write a blog post when there were other things I should be using my time for. Then today I miraculously remembered an important thing. Writing makes me feel good. When I sit and drool while turning my brain off, I lie to myself and think that is me-time, allowing me to recharge. When I actually take time for myself, is when I take time to do things that make me feel good, things that make me feel better in some way.

Writing makes me feel better. It is a positive way to get all my thoughts out in a creative and expressive way. So I am sorry, self, for neglecting giving you space to unload and refresh. I will try to make more time for that regularly. 

With all that being said,

I had a pretty good Monday today. Let me explain what I mean by pretty good. I hate just as much as the next person hearing my alarm scream me awake at 5 A.M. It is not what I like, especially when I have a cuddly, sleepy baby and/or a cuddly, sleepy husband beside me. This morning, I woke up without pushing snooze (Whaaaaa??!?!) and lay in the bed kissing Townes head over and over. As bad as an alarm sucks, a sweet baby smell is just about the best thing to wake up to. I sucked in his scrumptious smell over and over and just felt it seep into my lungs and through my whole body. I feel this is akin to when you breathe in lavender oil and you can feel your nerves and body actually physically relax.

I rolled out of bed, ate some cereal and made a cup of coffee. I sipped on my coffee and picked up the book I'm currently reading for a few quiet moments. I usually don't have enough time through all the snoozed alarms I mash, but these quiet, dark, mornings are something I enjoy.

I went to work and smiled and greeted each child as they came in the door. (One of my absolute favorite parts about my job.) I gave hugs, I held hands, I looked them in the eyes and listened to what they told me. The day went on and of course there are easy and fun moments as well as hard and upsetting moments. The good news is we made it through a Monday work day! I came home and kicked my shoes off and decided to continue on the wave of positivity I was feeling most of the day. (Apparently spell check says positivity is not a word. I googled it though. It is a word. FYI. Now I'm just staring at how weird it looks tho... positivity. Positivity. Positivity.) 

I feel as though, looking back on my moods this month, I have felt weird or sad or anxious for many of the days. It's probably hormonal, it's definitely nothing big. The past couple of days I get in to a funk at one point in the day and feel like my anxiety is hanging over my head like a predator waiting to attack. I have always had anxiety, but after having Townes I had my first panic attack post-partum and it has made my anxiety different ever since. I get in my head way too much about this, and definitely cause 98% of my anxiety by feeling anxious that I am going to have anxiety. (LOL right?)

All that to say, today I decided that when I am positive and productive I feel better. So back to kicking off my shoes. I slid on some comfy clothes and fed Townes some late-lunch/early-dinner snacks. I sat with him and talked to him about my day, he's a good listener. After he was finished, I got him out of his high chair and put a work-out on the tv. I exercised for the first time in probably 2 months. (I'm the WORST, I know.) Townes loved it just as much as I did, and who knew a toddler could make workouts so much more fun? He laughed and giggled as he tried the moves in the floor with me, and loved when I tickled him in the middle of trying.

After we did our partner work out, Benjamin texted and asked if I wanted to come eat with him on his lunch break. Of course we did! I only see Benjamin as he is laying asleep in the bed when I wake up in the morning during the week. He stays home to watch Townes while I work, and then when I get off he is at work until after I go to bed. SO FUN. I of course leaped at the opportunity to see him for a bit. We got there much too early (which is entirely unlike me) and stood outside in the cloudy beautiful weather and looked at cars. I sat and talked to Townes some more and watched him beam as he saw Benjamin pull into a parking space.

Everything Townes does makes me happy. Everything. Even when he is bad or mischievous, I am secretly happy because he is so frogging cute. JEEZ THOUGH. Here lately I have been saying a lot, "Oh my gosh he's so sweet it hurts." I am not exaggerating. I can feel my heart and chest squeeze and tighten when I look at him. I love him so much it physically hurts me. I could literally eat him. That's a real thing moms experience, look it up.

We came home and I put him in pjs, danced him around the room, slathered him with Shea Moisture lotion, brushed his teeth and gave him a bottle. I looked at him and held him close while I rocked him to sleep. I looked at the wrinkle that wraps around his thigh, separating the chub. I looked at his tiny round hands while they gripped my shirt tightly. I looked at his sweet perfect lips as they lay partly open waiting a kiss. I looked at his sandy, coppery hair, all curled and sweaty around his face. I smelled him deeply again. I don't ever want to forget every little detail about him, but sadly I know I will never remember it all. 

I just finished Amy Poehler's book, Yes Please and she has a chapter about time travel. I won't quote it because it's amazing and you should just read it, but she says something along the lines of, the way to time travel is to live in the moment and be present. Today I lived in the moment and I was present. I loved every second of it, and because of this, it was a pretty good Monday. 

I hope yours was pretty good too.

After seeing this it will be, right?