Then and Now

Everyone is posting these 10 year aging challenges,

and it has me thinking where I was 10 years ago.

My very first profile pic on Facebook, 2009 Cass.

Wow, looking back at myself in 2009 a lot comes flooding back. I loved including my awkward forearm in selfies, I had a pink Kodak camera that I took everywhere. I wore A LOT of eyeliner. I loved tight shirts that showed off my one curve. I straightened away all my natural waves in my hair until my hair was limp and lifeless. I had a lot to learn about embracing who I was, and loving myself.

Things that happened in 2009; I found my love of mismatched socks, I fell into my first bad relationship, I started marching band, I wore clip-on earrings, I finished my first year of high school, I lost my grandfather, I had acne, I had lots of sleepovers, I had long, awkward arms and legs, I got a cell phone, my brother helped me make a Facebook. I was a mature woman! (I hilariously thought) I remember this age so well. 

I learned a lot of things. I learned even at 120 pounds, I still thought parts of me were fat. (Disgusting I know.) I learned that if a guy doesn't want people to know you're together, he's probably not that into you. I learned that true friends are the best part of this age. 

This photo had an Avril Lavigne quote as the caption. 

I think my criticism of myself really started in 2009, I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I started to think my own worth was what others thought of me, and that has taken a long time to try and START to think otherwise. I remember squeezing my thighs which touched each other, even at 120 pounds, and I thought they shouldn't touch. I hated how my teeth were crooked, I had a huge forehead, and I always had pimples. (Sorry 2009 Cass, you still are trying to control breakouts 10 years later.) I am so glad to think back and realize I have much more self-love now.

I thought that if a guy who had already graduated high school was interested in me, a high schooler, it meant I was mature and sexy and sophisticated. IT DOESN'T FOLKS! It usually means he hopes you're naive and dumb, which I was. If someone doesn't want you to tell people you're together, you probably shouldn't be together. I learned through some bad relationships, as we all do, what a relationship shouldn't be like. I spent the rest of my high school career habitually single, while my other friends were always in a relationship. This made me feel a little sad at the time, but man, you have your whole life after high school to date and it is SO MUCH BETTER. You might even find a pretty awesome guy.

My friends I had in 2009, I am happy to say are still some of my best friends today. We may not see each other as frequently as we did then, we practically lived together, but we still talk regularly and plan to see each other as often as we can. Growing up is hard, and I am so glad I spent so much time with friends when we had all the time in the world. That is time you will never look back on as wasted.

If you had asked me in 2009 where I saw myself in ten years I would have said something like,

"I want to be married, with kids. I want to be in love. I want to be working in a job I love. I want to have my own house. I want to be happy."

Guess what! We did it girl! Also, I realized 23 seems really young to have a baby when you are actually 23. So I am perfectly fine with only having one kid. I fell in love with someone who loves me, we have an amazing baby and home we love. I am working in a school system I love, doing a job I didn't expect but absolutely love. 

I figured out how to embrace my weird wavy hair, I wear way less makeup and regularly go days without any, I found styles I love and feel comfortable in, I found hobbies I enjoy and push myself to do them more often. I've cried and laughed and grown so much in ten years. I'm a mom now!

A lot hasn't changed, however.

I still have the same amazing friends, I have an incredible family I love and am very close to (just added some more), my thighs still touch, I still suck at painting my nails, I still love writing, I still have a big forehead, I still love mismatched socks, I still love Orlando Bloom, and I still try to make people laugh.

Growing up is scary, and hard. Looking back, it is so incredible to see where I am now. When you are in high school, you really do think you know everything. I worried so much, and I still do. I spend too much time worrying in fact, when I should just be enjoying where I am. Ten years from now, I will laugh at the things I was worried about now. I have a wonderful life, and I am so happy. All these years have led me to where I am now, and I wouldn't change one thing.